Mood of the day: Blanc

Saturday was an odd combination of ‘oh yeah’, ‘oh no’ and ‘what the hell???’ The snow everyone has been waiting for since December has finally arrived. I expected to be underwhelmed here in Harlem because we have been pretty spared by Irene and Frankestorm. It is like living in a little island. However, the wait was truly worth it. The snow was soft; it was abundant and yes, it was beautifully calming. When New York is snowed in, it is one of those rare occasions when the City seems quiet, sober, and almost sane. It probably means that all the crazies fear the cold.

At 7am, J’s dad called us (J is the twins’ BFF) for a Jazzy brunch and a sledge play date. I like the fact that we do know some other poor bastards who are awake at the wee hours of a Saturday morning. J’s dad was so ready to start the day, and so were we because after the 12th time of trying to put your kids back to bed or in front of the TV, more sleeping for us was obviously not happening.

The whiteness of everything gave me a perfect occasion to wear my loose knit by Mes Demoiselles. It looks and feels like being in a huge yarn of wool. I accessorized with a felt hat , the ‘stewardess hat’, that I blocked and designed two years ago while I was looking like a whale. It was not fun pulling all those blocking ropes and trying to hold tight the slippery hat block between the narrow crevasse between my then gigantic breasts and GIGANTIC belly. I felt like someone trying to catch a petulant living salmon with their hands full of Vaseline.

Blanc 1

Morningside Park was quite a sight with people sledging everywhere and banging their heads against the park rails. Cheerful atmosphere. Sledges were a hot commodity. I could have probably been able to sell my infant plastic one for a cool $40. Welcome to Manhattan, bitch. The weather actually turned the whole neighborhood into a genuine entrepreneurial fair. Kids with bigger than them shovels were charging their services to dumbfounded neighbors who found their pricey SUVs trapped into walls of snow. An old lady passed by and said ‘aww that brings about some memories, I used to make pocket money like this: 5 bucks per car. ‘ You gotta love long standing traditions!

Blanc 2

The minus side of the snow is that it drives the kids bonkers. Absolutely bonkers. The three of them found their way into our bed around midnight and after that…I am still not sure about all the details but it was bad. First, it was so bad that DH at about 3am threw his hands up in the air and wimped: ‘I am fed up. I am going onto the sofa bed’. This has never happened before. DH is a resilient husband (he has been with a high maintenance lunatic for almost two decades) and a resilient father (he almost never took time for himself since the kids were born). But his most treasured possession, even above his wife and his kids, is his Tempur pedic mattress. He loves it so much he was able to endure many disrupted nights since the kids decided to violate our bedroom aka our now defunct child free sanctuary (R.I.P. safe haven, miss you so much). But that night, he surrendered. I was thus left on my own with the three monsters. Absolutely traumatic. Here is a sample of what happened:

– I got stepped and jumped upon, nothing new here, but at some point P sat on my face for a while until I realized my plight. Breathing through a diaper full of pee is…I actually cannot find any words for this. I eventually rolled out of under her but found myself in the middle of a large wet spot. It could have been anything: cow’s milk, formula’s milk, drool from L’s teething or urine from a good old diaper leak. And yes I stayed on the wet spot because I had no place to go. The critters were everywhere: their six legs, six arms, 3 heads, 60 fingers and toes. Everywhere!!!

– around 4am I realized G was missing and started to look around the apartment freaking out that he might have run out and taken the building elevator. It is his favorite hobby. Instead I saw a silent boy with his belly sticking out his pajamas trousers standing by the sledge. I almost passed out; he was like a scary human size Russian doll in a deranged Japanese horror movie. Then he creepily whispered: S…L…E…D…G…E

– sometime between 4.30 and 5am I heard some suspicious giggling and went onto a full panic mode. P was pushing a heavy pillow onto G’s face while this idiot was lying there obediently submitting himself to this dangerous game. At this point I was ready to google: toddler psychological assessment for dummies.

By 7.00am I have given up. As I was pulling myself out of bed, I saw P pushing a huge box, climb on top of it and mess around with my stuff on the book shelves. I was not amused and told her to stop. She looked at me with pity, shook her head and with a sweet but sarcastic voice said: ‘Mommy, go to sleep, go to sleep…’ I looked daggers at her. What the fuck?

P.S: I enrolled in a blogger competition, the circle of moms. If you like what you read, please vote here. The competition closes on Wednesday 13th February, cast your vote now. Thanks!!

2 comments

  1. njoyvintage

    Fantastic! It makes me wish I had have documented everything from my two in London as so much of what you say I can remember going through myself……..the brain (& hormones) are remarkable so as to make you forget most of it in order to live another day and not jump off the nearest bridge! love you.xx

  2. Laurence

    I love the breathing through a wet diaper part … Don’t know why children keep sitting on mom’s face… Anyway, you’ll see, in a near future G&P won’t wear diaper anymore. Whether you’ll appreciate or not will depend on them still sitting on your face or not !

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