Activist Mama: the day my child tells me they are gay

DH works for a big ‘let’s make money’ corporation but it is amazing how many good causes he has been involved in. The guy is a walking nonprofit and not just because his entire pay check is spent on feeding his wife and kids. He has mentored a kid from the Bronx, recruited members for the LGBT Allies Network, advised social entrepreneurs, trained Columbia students and is now organizing a seminar for the Parents and Families Network. He basically did more volunteering than I did in my whole life and I worked for the non profit industry. Yes, he is annoying like that.

He decided to put together a seminar to help parents deal with their children being gay or having gender identities questioning. I guess it will also probably mention how to talk about gay people to your children whether they are gay or not. I wondered when the kids would ask about Thor and Archibald’s sexuality. Being gay is so a non issue in our house that I never prepared myself for explaining what, for me, should not need any explanation whatsoever. I probably should though.

I should because the rest of world is not New York City. I should because being gay does not mean accepting being gay. Indeed, my child saying ‘Mom, I am gay’ is easy for me  to deal with but I would not know what to say if one day, they confessed ‘Mom, I am gay but I don’t want to be’. Yes, in a few years gay marriage may be legal but it does not mean people won’t hate gays anymore. Every day hate and prejudice will likely prevail beyond. The little sniggerring or not that funny fag jokes. They are the slow killers.

The trap not to fall into for ‘liberals’ (as we are being called here) like me is to think that we should not care for what gay haters or even gay neutral peeps – people who don’t hate gays but really, really don’t understand why we need to make such a fuss about equality because nobody really cares if you are gay or not…yeah, right – say. I think my kids will care. They will care that once they leave their home, they might face disgust and incomprehension and I should be thus prepared. Definitely asking DH for the PowerPoint handouts.

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