The holiday season in the US is insanely long. It starts the week before Thanksgiving and ends on 2nd January. It is like a freaking marathon. A marathon where there is no winner because we all finish the race, fat, sick and shameful. Here is the summary of my festivities and the lessons I have learned:
– a Thanksgiving with so much foie gras I cannot bear the sight of ducks anymore see Holiday season: part One
– a kids pre-Christmas party with 14 kids…I guess it is self-explanatory but in case there are any doubts, let me make this clear:
14 kids under 4 + their overtired parents + excited nannies + fake snow + Santa + booze = apocalypse NOW!
Why the heck did I self-inflict such pain? Well, I had a hidden agenda. I wanted to recruit some new friends among the parents who are also neighbors and thus are a potential extra pair of hands to help us with our 3 brats. At the end of the party, I asked Thor: ‘Do you think I impressed them with the party? Did I look so cool that they are dying to befriend me?’
After a pause, he said:‘you looked absolutely deranged. Don’t you remember whacking someone else’s kid on the floor while swirling your glass of Champagne? Deranged, absolutely deranged’.
– a Christmas eve dinner followed by a one nighter to wrap up he kids presents. It was a little bittersweet because we put our families pics on the gifts. It just makes you realize how far we are and that none of them could be there. It was funny because afterwards many of my unrooted friends wished they had the same idea. Different generations. Christmas with pictures and Skype. Oh well…Anyway, it was totally worth it and so interesting to see each kid’s reaction: G was wide-eyed and was quiet for ages trying to figure out how all those gifts got there, P went straight for the biggest package (that’s my girl!) and L…well, he ate all the wrapping paper and pooped in excitement. Notes to self for next year: lobster is wasted on people under 20 years old, do not assemble presents on Christmas’ eve (you think you can do it but you barely made it this year and let’s face the facts: you will be older meaning you will be likely more depressed during the holiday season meaning you will drink more. Plus your eye sight will be worse so mark my words, DO NOT DO IT).
– and the grown ups New Year’s eve party themed Hat and Italian food. I had all this very Venise Carnival look figured out in my head. It never happened because I gained 6 pounds over the holiday and the only thing I could fit in is a black tank top and a men’s black jacket!!! Depressing. Anyway, it was supposed to be a time for DH and I to be THE child free party couple again. Grown-ups only. But somehow the kids managed to crash our party (or did the guests purposely wake them up to have some dancing props?). I did see Archibald pulling P’s legs when the poor girl tried to escape from his rendition of “Wicked: the musical’.
After that party, I understood why wise parents do not let kids join their holiday parties until 4am. See, kids don’t have hangovers and don’t have stupid New Year’s resolutions about detox or going to bed early. So when DH and I were ready to start 2013 by chilling out, our kids rebelled. They were like ‘Fuck that’ and woke up in he middle of the night screaming and asking to go and party in the freaking living room for about a week. We have ruined a whole year of sleep training and tough discipline in one month during the holiday season. Stupid, stupid morons.
HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!