Anatomy of a sleepless night

G & P, the twins, are sleeping in their room. L is sleeping in our room as DH and I are back to our bed after 2 weeks of failed sleep training. Benjamin our best mate in college is visiting from Paris and is sleeping on the sofa bed.

1.30 am P is screaming at the top of her lungs.

1.45 am I am getting into the kids room and try to soothe P. She is so not in the mood for lullabies. She screams for milk I give in. Forget her pediatrician’s advice to reduce her milk intake; I need my sleep.  I go to our kitchen trying to use the light of the open microwave to fix a milk bottle so I don’t wake up Benjamin. Shit, I can see he is pretending that he did not get woken up: he is shifting from right to left…

1.50 am I put P in her crib with her bottle almost done but she keeps screaming for her dad. She then turns her head towards her brother’s crib and gets pissed off. I guess she is pissed off that he sleeps soundly so she screams louder to wake him up.

2.00 am I am telling DH to go and see her before she wakes G up. He goes in and tries different tactics (cuddles, singing, threats, filling the bottle with water for her to suck on etc.).

2.10 am DH is losing it and I am going back in the lion’s den. DH picks up G who has started to whine – the boy is patient but he is not DEAF and they both go to our bedroom.

2.20 am P surrenders in my arms and I put her in her crib. I hear Benjamin go to the toilet. I guess he is awake then. I need to pee too. When I get to my room, L starts screaming. I take him in our bed where DH and G are trying to sleep.

2.30 am DH, G, L and I are wide awake. DH is thinking he is going to be late for work. G & L are laughing together and think it is a night play date. I want to cry.

3.00 am I am trying to nurse L to get him to sleep but he throws up on me. DH decides G is going back to his room and that he is putting his ear plugs and does not want anything to do with any of us ever again.

3.30 am G is still screaming ‘Maman’. DH snores. L is getting way over fed. I am dreaming with my eyes open that I am in Bali. Benjamin must probably be on expedia.com trying to book a hotel room for the rest of his stay in New York…and P, who started everything, is still sleeping soundly.

Life is a bitch.

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